Today: One Year of Living on My Own
There. I. Am.
Ratty camouflage clothes and bandaged skin attest to the fact before any human voice can that I have had my trials. I have met my foes, suffered wounds, but I have earned my scars. I wear them with pride. A broadrimmed hat put on backwards with a lopsided tie, and hiking boots with laces near breaking complete the outfit.
I move with a slight limp, but the truth is nonetheless potent: I have survived. I am still here.
Oh wait, now both of us are running away from that tiger, so let's end our imaginary tale right here. Let me think of another, better analogy...
Oh yes. Okay, imagine the desert stretching as far as you can imagine in every which direction. A few clouds dance across the sky, but none hide the scorching heat of the sun. A dirt road continues on as far as I can tell, while mesas dot the horrizon. I sling several full canteens of water over my shoulder, knowing that precious oases of water will be few and far between in the vast desert that I'm about to cross. Previous travelers say that this journey can take years under even the best of conditions. The blue/green sagebrush and occasional jackrabbits will be my only company. It is a long, hard, and unknown road ahead.
I put one foot in front of the other. The dust crinkles under my feet. The journey of a thousand miles, they always said, begins with a single step. One step in front of the other, one step in front of the other...
***
Okay, so maybe a jungle survivor or cross-desert athlete are not the best descriptions of adult life, but I'm also not willing to admit that there's absolutely no truth in those analogies! ;) Today marks one year of my living on my own without my parents, now that I'm at grad school in Michigan (definitely not my Tennessee home!). And while sure, "adulting" here at a university is not nearly as hard I'm sure as out in the "real world" with fewer people on hand to assist you, there's still a lot of leeway. Leeway to make mistakes or secure successes. I definitely aim to keep an open mind and expect to learn even more lessons in the years to come, but I thought this momentous occasion deserved its own blog post of what I have learned about adulting thus far. So here goes!
1. Mom doesn't live with you anymore. Well, duh. Sure. I knew that. What I didn't quite realize was practically what that meant. For example, if I make a mess on my floor, it stays a mess on my floor until I pick it up. My dishes just don't magically do themselves. I don't come home from a long day at school to find my fridge stocked with food or clean laundry all folded or put away. In short, I basically gotta learn how to mesh all those "real life" things into my schedule with my school/work.
2. It takes about a year to learn where everything is, and what you need, period. For example, I might find a pharmacy right away as to refill my monthly prescriptions, but I've only had to replace my car battery, rotate my tires, etc. etc. etc. once or twice this year (yay!). The issues that only come up so often only come up so often, so it takes a while to realize, hey, I need find a place to fix my car. Or where to find a dentist, where's the closest/best gas station, grocery store, etc. etc. etc. But after about a year, I've found out where most of the businesses that I need are located.
3. It's on you to produce. At least I feel that way. I'm only in grad school, but I treat it like my job. It's my responsibility to get things done. I actually just went the last two weeks without any contact with my professor, but he still expected me to be productive and busy - ie not binge watching YouTube all day! He left me a list of things to do, and also expected me to come up with a few items myself. Look, you're not in kindergarten anymore. And you're definitely not a college freshman anymore. So snap out of it! Start trying to be mature and make responsible decisions. It is your job as an adult to be an independent thinker. To come up with solutions, to execute ideas, to gather data and produce results. Being in a science master's program that's very real to me, but I still think this idea applies across the board to all disciplines in some way, shape, or form. Nobody's gonna micromanage you. Micromanage yourself. Because with the lack of boundaries or structure externally, to optimally function you really gotta set up structure for yourself. That is the best way I have found to actually produce stuff, get results, get that work done your boss or professor or whoever wants you to get done.
4. Cut back on social media, seriously. This point is very closely tied to that last one. I have taken several month-long fasts from social media this summer - one from YouTube in June, then Instagram in July. I'm honestly thinking of maybe doing Facebook sometime soon. It's so easy to waste time on social media. It's so easy to play the comparison game. It's so easy to then not realize all the blessings that God HAS given you. Especially living on your own (like me), what digital content you consume really affects your mood. So be watchful!
For example, I can think of myself as boo hoo out in the middle of nowhere Michigan with nowhere to go, all caged in and not being able to go to any museums or national parks or anywhere, OR I can think of myself as an extremely privileged individual who is getting to pursue a fascinating master's program at an incredible Adventist university. I can choose to be grateful for the education that God is allowing me to earn, and the people that He has brought into my life.
Social media is just a highlight reel, and while we all know this, it's hard to emotionally believe that. Look, getting subscribers or followers or whatever is honestly not the most important thing. It's not "real" life. Go take a social media detox of however long you choose - I'd say the longer the better - and go take time to sniff the roses. I'll wager that you have a lot more blessings in your own life right now than you might first think :)
Also, I've found that my moral willpower decreases exponentially after 10pm. And it also takes me a while to slow down in the evenings. As crazy as it may sounds, I've made a rule to not be on electronics after 9pm, and while not fun all the time, that decision has really made my life so much better. (and is also, if you're curious, why I'm typing like a maniac right now 'cause it's 8:49pm 8-9-18!!)
5. Adult life is not nearly as scary as it first sounds. Rarely have there been HUGE problems to deal with; more like, a consistent nagging or faucet drip. It's just that there's always something to do, some new person or company to call, some new experience to have. But the longer in one place the less you have new experiences and the more you have repeat experiences as the seasons go by.
I've also had to learn that people on the other end of the phone line don't eat you; most are actually there to help you. Speakerphone is amazing. So also is writing out a script of what you plan to say on Microsoft Word, so that if you get a brain freeze while talking (esp. if it's professional communication), not to worry...just brainlessly read what you wrote on your screen while your brain was still present. Usually shortly thereafter my brain returns home ;)
And, thanks to my family, I've actually been able to travel more than I ever have before - both flying and driving. But maybe that's fodder for another article... :)
Well anyway, it's 8:53pm and I better wrap up this article so I can edit it and then get to bed! I'd love to hear from you - what's one can't miss adulting tip that's helped you?
Austin
P.S. - the desert scenario is partly true. Not about crossing a desert, but that picture really is of me in the New Mexico desert last year. Such a pretty place!! :D
YOU are hilarious!!! And some very good lessons learned!
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